If your partner is having a bad day, a simple text can be a great way to show that you’ve got him or her back. Even if you’m not sure exactly what to say, the sentiment of solidarity can mean a lot whether it is sent in shorthand, a few sentences or a few carefully composed emojis. Expressing faith and unity towards your partner can help boost their mood, confidence and outlook just enough to help them get through even the worst days.
We spoke to two experts – both licensed clinical psychologists and relationship dynamics experts – who told us how effective these seemingly modest displays of love and / or attention can be in reliving a day that went awry. And whether it’s work, personal belongings or some gray area in between, these texts can provide a heavy lifting aid for the burden.
Of course, you know your relationship better than we and our experts. So, while these texts are likely to be sent verbatim effectively, try to look at the bolts and nuts of their message so that you can ensure that you send a greeting, pick-me-up or commissary that is unique and meaningful within the boundaries of your partnership. Anyway, these suggestions are put together and endorsed by experts so you can use them the next time your partner has one of those days.
1. What can I do to help?
Let’s get this one out of the way early, because if you accept that you’re a loving partner, you want to help. It’s a ghost. But why is it so important to put it bluntly? According to psychologist Dr Heidi Heimler, this question could open a dialogue between you two that could lead to some potential breakthroughs. “Avoid telling your partner what he or she needs,” Heimler says. “Instead of proposing solutions, inquire. Even if they have no idea what they need, they will feel good knowing you have offered. ” As blunt as it may sound, it’s a proven help they’ll probably appreciate.
2. I have you in my heart.
Or something similarly sweet. Feel free to adapt this phrase to suit your unique brand of ‘couples talking’, but keep the key concept in mind. After all, the intention is to let your partner know that you are thinking of them. Going overboard may sound silly, but sometimes simple is just what the situation needs, according to Dr. Heimler. “It’s good to let someone know they’re the center of your universe, especially when they feel like they’re looking outward,” she says. Letting them know they matter can shift their focus from “everything is awful” to “there’s this very good thing in my life, so not everything is bad.”
3. We will work to make the rest of today better.
When we have shit days, we tend to laser focus on the bad. We forget that the current mess is not the end of the world. A friendly reminder can help alleviate the sadness. “The key here is to zoom out,” says Dr. Heimler. “With a text like this, the person who has a rough day can look at the bigger picture. He or she can shift from a focus on the real bad now, to a vision of a more pleasant and positive later. “Feel free to make specific suggestions on how you can make the rest of the day better too. Dinner. Netflix: Something you know will distract your partner for a bit of life.
4. Keep me posted.
It may sound impersonal and repulsive, but it is a way to provide space. You can make this phrase appear with some funny things to not make it look like “business”, but the key is that you communicate that you have a vested interest in how your partner’s day goes, and that you. want to support. “When things keep piling up, a person may feel that the universe is conspiring against them,” says Dr. Heimler. “They can misunderstand and feel alone. Let them know that you is interested in how things are, show that you care, and that they can update you on they comfort.”
5.[Hug emoji], [Kiss emoji], etc.
Get creative with a string of digital icons and send them to your sick partner. Why? According to clinical psychologist Dr. Bethany Cook, this trick is rooted in the neurochemical reaction emojis that evoke. “To imagine that someone you love is giving you a hug or a kiss can actually mislead the brain into thinking they are really doing it,” she says. “So when your partner sees the emojis, he or she will actually get a boost of oxytocin – the ‘love hormone’ – from your text.” Sending a virtual hug is also great if you have not yet figured out the right words to say.
6. Do you remember when you thought you could not do X, Y and Z? Well you have!
Now is the time to sharpen your partner’s confidence. Whether he or she is dealing with a foolish boss at work, a difficult day at home, or angry family issues, chances are good that they have been in similar situations before … and survived! “When we are upset, our brain does not function from the ‘reason’ part,” explains dr. Cook. “Instead, they work from the midbrain, the emotional center. Sending your partner a message that connects them back to the front of the brain, where reasoning occurs, can help them review and remind them that they have it!”
7. Take some time to relax tonight. I have everything.
Not in a passive-aggressive “whatever” way. But in the form of a sincere encouragement that says that when your partner is able to dig himself or herself out of their day, whatever they feel like doing to relax or relieve stress is okay. “Consent to be ‘alone’ feels very liberating,” says Dr. Cook. ‘You’ll need to know your partner well enough to decide if this will be something they will respond to, but telling them to do whatever they have to do after a difficult day is proof of love. Some people do not find it pleasant on their own, but those who enjoy it rarely get it. ” If your partner is among the latter, make yourself scarce so he or she can refocus and regroup.
8. I’m canceling my plans so we can spend time together tonight.
On the other hand, your partner may think of nothing but seeing you to make the day better. Letting him or her know that you are re-prioritizing to make it happen can be a useful, authentic way to brighten the light at the end of the tunnel. “Some spouses really benefit and enjoy quality time together,” says Dr. Cook. “When your partner sees that you’re willing to spend time with them, it can give them something to look forward to and ‘make it’ through a bad day.” Even if you have no plans to cancel, let your partner know that you are not going to do anything so that you can be strictly there for them.
9. I appreciate everything you do for me / the family.
On bad days, we tend to feel worthless. It seems like hard work goes a little more unnoticed, and no matter what we do, it’s never enough. When you remind your partner that you see them – their efforts, contributions, sacrifices, etc. – will help them realize they are valued where it counts. “Telling your partner or spouse that you appreciate all their sacrifices and efforts is so empowering,” explains Dr. Cook. “When was the last time you thanked your spouse for being just themselves? To verbally acknowledge everything your partner does to support you – while also juggling their own responsibilities – can really motivate someone who may think their efforts are being overlooked. ”
10. Want to talk about your day?
You do not want to see your partner get hurt. That’s understandable. But giving them the opportunity to dictate how they handle the deconstruction of their bad day can alleviate the potential stress of having to relive it too soon. “Sometimes a very bad day can take a while to get over,” explains Dr. Cook. “A lot of people deal with it by shutting down emotionally and really not wanting to talk about it. Ask your partner as he or she wants to leave out – rather than assuming that is the case – will enable you to become more aware of their situation and adapt as needed. ” In this case, the best way is to give your partner space to show them you are close.
