Childbirth is a stressful process, largely for the person giving birth, but also for the partner standing next to her. For many couples, even the most well-constructed birth plans fall by the wayside as situations change. Entering the hospital with a strong sense of what you both want from the experience is extremely important to have a positive and powerful birth experience, says Megan Davidson, a doula and author of Your birth plan: A guide to navigating all your choices in childbirth.
Davidson is clear here: At best, a husband or new father should not be the advocate for his wife in the delivery room. Hopefully all the decisions that are made medically are according to your needs, needs and plans. Men should therefore be an emotional support system, not a medical support system, which is why she says every birth will be better off with a doula. Sure, she may be biased, but doulas help make the decisions and treat doctors, residents and nurses as well as anesthetists while you can sit down and hold your partner’s hand.
But of course not everyone has a doula. So here’s what your future fathers should do, and not do, in the delivery room.
DO: Talk about how to be supportive before it’s time for work
Every couple is different, and what may be considered emotional support for one couple can be very annoying to others. Therefore, according to Davidson, it is important to have a conversation before the work day, so to speak, outlining what supportive behavior can be for your wife. Some people want a massage or soothing touch, and other people do not want to be touched at all. Go through it. Be ready to speak your partner’s language in the delivery room.
DO NOT: Make ugly faces
“It’s very important to think about what you do with your face,” warns Davidson. Birth is a very physical experience. You can see things you have never seen before. When doing this, it is important to keep in mind how you are physically responding to the process of childbirth.
“Sometimes I see partners who make very bad faces in response, just because it’s their sincere feeling of disgust, shock or rudeness. It’s really valuable to think about what you’re doing with your face – because people in labor are looking at you. face as a reflection of what you are feeling or what is going on, ”says Davidson.
DO: Know your limits
If you are a naturally uncomfortable person, you are not going to magically become someone who can handle blood and blood in the delivery room. Set your limits and respect them, Davidson advises.
“If you faint when you see people’s blood or are really uncomfortable with these things, it’s okay,” she says. “But it is important to acknowledge that you are who you are. It’s not the kind of thing you can do to make your path difficult. If you pass out at blood, there is often a lot of blood at birth. There is still a role for you, but we have to be strategic and considerate about where you stand in the room. ” Do not feel bad about not cutting the umbilical cord or staying at your wife’s shoulder area. That’s okay. It’s all about participating in the process.
DO NOT: Be visibly nervous
Of course, seeing your partner give birth can be a stressful experience. But you have to be the picture of calm, Davidson says. “Think of your own energy. If you feel very anxious and anxious, it can be very difficult. ” Participate in deep breathing. Think calming thoughts. Do your best not to be the most nervous person in the room.
DO: Bring practical support – not just emotional
While it’s important in the maternity ward to figure out how to support your partner emotionally, it’s just as valuable to have a bag full of practical, supportive items.
“Walappe, meat stick, hair bands, something to catch vomit – I carry these vomit bags that I buy from a medical supply company, they are very good,” says Davidson. “These kinds of things are things you can specifically do to comfort someone,” Davidson says.
DO NOT: Just tell them to breathe – breathe with them
Although it is an important reminder to tell someone in labor to take a deep breath, it is much better to take a demonstrably slow and deep breath, ”says Davidson. “In the intensity of a contraction, someone breathes very quickly. Or if your partner is hyperventilating, put your hand on their chest. Take a big, demonstrative breath with them. ” In front of the maternity ward, partners can practice deep breathing together, too.
DO: Know the chain of command in your hospital
Unfortunately, not every person who gives birth has someone who can medically advocate for them other than themselves. If this is the case you are a medical lawyer for your partner, make sure you walk into the maternity ward with knowledge of the command chain at your hospital so you know who to talk to if things do not go according to plan.
“As a general principle, nurses are the first profession in terms of advocacy. Many of them also see themselves as patient advocates. They are often your best ally in trying to advocate for something. You may need to go to the nursing manager. There are always hierarchies in hospitals. Determine the best point that people are talking about, and where to go from there. ”
Davidson notes that most hospitals have designated patient advocates. You also need to know who the anesthetist is, and who to talk to if you are unhappy with the doctor who is helping you deliver your baby.
DO NOT: light or ignite your partner
Participating in calming touch can be very helpful for someone giving birth, but not all touch is good touch, says Davidson.
“When people touch their mates or touch jerky manners, people in labor respond poorly to it,” says Davidson. “I often suggest touching people with your whole hand, not just your fingers.”
DO: Advocate for what you know your wife wants
Little things – like poor lighting, quiet voices and minimal foot traffic in the delivery room – are things you can do as your wife’s partner, and with little effort. You’re the one who can walk around, so you can help keep the delivery room calm and quiet if that’s what mom wants.
“My experience is that most people in the hospital really want to accommodate what you are hoping for. “Part of it is just asking people for it and figuring out a way to make it happen,” says Davidson. In other words: Speak out. The people around you need to listen. “Find out what’s important to you, and then find out who can help you do it,” says Davidson.
DO NOT: Wear flip-flops and cargo shorts – bring options along!
You will not know how cold or hot the maternity ward will be until you get there, and it is likely that you will be there for some time. Make sure you bring layers and options along. “Sometimes the room freezes, and sometimes it’s 85 degrees,” warns Davidson. Bringing an extra pair of pants or a sweater can keep you more comfortable for what can be a long labor. Also, according to Davidson, never, ever wear open-toed shoes to the hospital. Sandals and sneakers are not recommended, especially if a situation arises where you may need to go into an operating room. Wear sneakers. Serious.
DO: Rest when you can – but not without a plan
Clearly, some labor days can last. If this is the case, it is very important that both parents rest when they can. But do not go to bed without a plan on how to wake up when contractions start or when your partner needs you. So if you are a very deep sleeper, you might want to set a timer on your phone for each hour to wake up to make sure nothing has gone on.
“Often the person in labor, if they have an epidural and you take an afternoon nap, can not get out of bed to get you,” says Davidson. “They can not physically walk towards you. So there has to be a strategy to wake you up if you need to be raised. ”
DO: Eat well, but do not eat stink
Likewise, it is important to be well fed during labor. But think of it like an office environment: No one wants to sit next to the person eating fish and onions, as delicious as fish and onions might be. “People are often very sensitive about odors during labor,” says Davidson. “Be considerate of what you eat and what it does to your breath. Bring breaths. ” In other words: Maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a better meal than that burrito bowl.
