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Why Psychology of Men?
It wasn't until I was in my mid-20s that I ever really reflected on my gender. I also discovered a bit later that most of my friends, colleagues, or male therapy clients had not thought about it either, and if they did they were afraid to discuss it for fear of appearing insensitive. Shorty after, I began reading extensively on the psychology of men and men's issues, which proved not only to be personally powerful, but was very helpful to my clients.

I stumbled on two general frameworks of understanding the psychology of men: those that existed from a male-empowerment perspective (embraces masculinity, often sees much of gender as an outgrowth of biological sex, and encourages mature expansion of these traits) and those that emerged as a results of new perspectives from the women's movement (masculinity is purely a social construction based on dominance that although has some positives for individuals, causes major problems for self, others, and culture, and leads to oppression of women).

It became obvious to me that both of these threads had importance, but I found very few quality sources of information that ever incorporated both into a framework of understanding that explained who I was as a man, or could be helpful to my clients, professional colleagues, and non-psychologists in my life. So I started this website to accomplish that.

About Me
This site was created by Will Meek, PhD. I am a licensed psychologist in the state of Washington, am currently employed as the director of Counseling Services at Washington State University Vancouver, I have a private counseling practice in Vancouver, WA, and I reside in Portland, Oregon. I am always interested in other ideas and collaborations, and plan to begin a research program related to some of the concepts discussed on this page, so please do not hesitate to contact me at willmeekphd @ gmail.com.]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=5 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:26:53 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=4
An additional explanation that gets very little consideration in the professional literature is that men who maintain at least some level of traditional masculinity benefit tremendously, often outweighing the costs associated with it. These benefits are what I call “gender role advantage” (GRA), which is operationally defined as “the benefits from maintaining a particular gender role and identity.” Put simply, a traditional gender role is functional in many aspects of men's lives. I believe that GRA is the primary factor that prevents men from readily adopting (and teaching their sons) more flexible masculine identities and gender roles, which would reduce gender role conflict and associated problems.

There are a variety of areas of hypothesized benefits from holding a traditional male gender role on two levels. The two primary benefits are greater likelihood of:

(1) Acceptance from other men
(2) Success in activities and occupations traditionally pursued by or required of men

Each of these have secondary benefits that include increased:

(a) Social status
(b) Income/resources
(c) Self-esteem
(d) Interest from mates

This highlights two philosophical underpinnings of the GRA concept. First, sociologist Michael Kimmel proposed that a man’s value in the world is determined by other men. Therefore, if other men collectively favor traditional masculinity, then someone adopting this can expect to be more readily accepted and rewarded by the world of other men. Second, the major components of the traditional male gender role prepare men well for occupations and activities that they have traditionally held (or were required to perform) over evolutionary time. Hunters, warriors, builders, and leaders are better equipped for success with characteristics identified as part of traditional masculine ideology.

In conclusion, for individual men, a tension exists related to gender role and identity. Maintaining a certain level of traditional masculinity (in identity and role) is the source of great rewards (gender role advantage) and also the source of problems (gender role conflict). Most people do not give up their benefits to reduce the problems unless there is an unfavorable imbalance and they have access to other models and resources.]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=4 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:24:08 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=3
Some researchers have tried to explore whether there is a "universal masculine" that can be seen in all cultures during all times. This proves to be quite difficult, but there are several roles that have been highlighted. Those are:

(1) Provider
Secure and provide resources
(2) Protector
Defend others and territory
(3) Lover
Mate and procreate

Other roles (e.g. father) are more dependent on cultural expectations. Sometimes our gender roles (and gender identity) can cause problems for us and others. This is referred to as “gender role conflict” (GRC; O’Neil, 2008). Research has shown that many psychological and social problems in men’s lives can be traced to GRC. For example, an advantage of restricting emotions may be the ability to stay cool in a crisis situation, but a disadvantage would be the inability to emotionally connect in a relationship. At worst, GRC can lead to the harm and violation of rights of others.

O’Neil (2008) breaks down different types of GRC in this way (quoted directly):

a) GRC within the man
Private experience of negative emotions and thoughts experienced as gender role devaluations, restrictions, and violations.
b) GRC expressed toward others
Men’s expressed gender role problems that potentially devalue, restrict, or violate someone else.
c) GRC experienced from others
Men’s interpersonal experience of gender role conflict from people interacted with that result in being personally devalued, restricted, or violated.
d) GRC experienced from role transitions
Gender role transitions are events in a man’s gender role development that alter or challenge his gender role self-assumptions and consequently produce GRC or positive life changes

O’Neil (2008) defined devaluations, restrictions, and violations this way:

“Gender role devaluations are negative critiques of self or others when conforming to, deviating from, or violating stereotypic gender role norms of masculinity ideology. Devaluations result in lessening of personal status, stature, or positive regard.”

“Gender role restrictions occur when confining others or oneself to stereotypic norms of masculinity ideology. Restrictions result in controlling people’s behavior, limiting one’s personal potential, and decreasing human freedom.

“Gender role violations result from harming oneself, harming others, or being harmed by others when deviating from or conforming to gender role norms of masculinity ideology. To be violated is to be victimized and abused, causing psychological and physical pain. (O’Neil, 2008, p.363).”

Gender role strain is a related concept that describes the psychological and emotional consequences of violating “masculine ideology”, which is defined as “beliefs about the importance of men adhering to culturally defined standards for male behavior” (Pleck, 1995, p. 19). Gender role strain has three patterns:

(1) Discrepancy Strain
The person unsuccessfully meets traditional gender role standards
(2) Trauma Strain
This occurs after experiencing a traumatic event or process during socialization into the traditional masculine gender role
(3) Dysfunction Strain
When fulfillment of a gender role is hazardous

Overall, research has shown that GRC and gender role strain are related to depression, anxiety, relationship problems, low self-esteem, violence, and a variety of other undesirable things. It is possible to reduce or minimize the negative effects of GRC by (a) recognizing it, and (b) becoming more flexible in attitudes and behavior. Using the previous example of the man in the relationship, he may not be very emotionally expressive in other parts of his life but he could learn to be emotionally expressive in his relationship.

Next Section: Gender Role Advantage


_{Sources/Further Reading
Pleck (1995). The gender role strain paradigm: An update. In Levant & Pollack (Eds.) New Psychology of Men. New York: Basic.
Jim ONeil’s GRC Page at UConn
O'Neil (2008). Summarizing 25 Years of Research on Men's Gender Role Conflict Using the Gender Role Conflict Scale: New Research Paradigms and Clinical Implications. The Counseling Psychologist, 38, 358-445}]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=3 Fri, 31 Jul 2009 17:33:16 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=6
"Masculine" is the term used to describe things typically ascribed to maleness. All cultures ahave had versions of masculinity that are promoted among the people. Some cultures subtly encourage men to adopt certain forms of masculinity whereas others demand strict conformity.

Levant et al (1992) summarized traditional (hegemonic) American masculinity into seven principles/attitudes:

(1) restrict emotions
(2) avoid being feminine
(3) focus on toughness and aggression
(4) be self-reliant
(5) make achievement the top priority
(6) be non-relational
(7) objectify sex
(8) be homophobic

Another popular structuring of this was by David & Brannon (1976), who described the four standards of traditional American masculinity:

(1) “no sissy stuff”
distance self from femininity, homophobia, avoid emotions
(2) “be a big wheel”
strive for achievement and success, focus on competition
(3) “be a sturdy oak”
avoid vulnerability, stay composed and in control, be tough
(4) “give em hell”
act aggressively to become dominant

Finally, there is a long standing debate about whether gender is socially constructed (meaning that is primarily is a product of learning and socialization) or whether is emanates from our biological sex and is more "hard-wired" and connected to evolutionary forces. I believe there overwhelming evidence at this point that it is an interaction between biology, socialization, culture, and individual psychological factors that produces our gender identity. For example, there is convincing evidence that there are brain structural and hormonal differences (testosterone) between men and women that predispose (most) people toward personality and behavioral characteristics that correspond to their biological sex; family influences and social learning can help shape, engender, or suppress these characteristics; the larger culture has an influence on the various ways gender identity can be expressed; and individual psychological differences will relate to the style that things are acquired and expressed.

Next: Gender-Role Conflict


_{Sources/Further Reading
David & Brannon (1976). The Forty-nine percent majority: The male sex role. Addison-Wesley.
Levant et al (1992). The male role: An investigation of norms and stereotypes. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 14, 325-337.
Gregor (1985). Anxious pleasures. University of Chicago Press}]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=6 Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:28:00 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=41
For therapists looking to work with men, I believe that attention to this and other barriers, basic knowledge about some of the male psychology constructs presented in the other sections of this website, and a non-judgmental stance toward elements of traditional male functioning, and essential to being a good therapist to men. I would also encourage you to share this website with some of your male clients that may find it helpful, and reflect some part of their experience.

The following sections briefly cover some elements of my work with many of my male clients, although the individual work looks different for each. Finally, if you are a man looking into counseling, I'd encourage you to give it a try, and to possibly even share some of what you took from here with the therapist you chose. ]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=41 Fri, 16 Mar 2007 00:24:00 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=39
1. Take care of your physical health
2. Be compassionate to yourself (and others)
3. Learn to control your impulses

Additionally, there are a variety of things that almost everyone can do that have wide support on a number of different levels. Pick a couple that speak to you and see how different life will feel in two weeks.

Journal: having a place to release your thoughts and feelings in a pure way like writing can have tremendous positive outcomes, and can be a venue for finding new insight as well.

Be Creative: almost everyone has some sort of creative activity, hobby, or play that was a part of their early years. Reconnecting with this or beginning a new endeavor can be transformative in and of itself.

Bibliotherapy: this is a fancy word for reading a book. There are a handful of books for common issues that are often referred to (see Gottman for relationships, Burns for depression, and Bourne for anxiety), but sometimes asking a friend for a recommendation or just browsing the self-help section at the bookstore and grabbing something that connects with you can have a positive impact.

Exercise: being physically active is sometimes referred to as "nature's antidepressants" because of how profound the effect can be on us. If you hate the gym, try to get involved in a team sport or even do something small like taking a walk around your neighborhood, you may be surprised by how well it helps.

Social Support: it is a lot harder to struggle with something in isolation than with someone who cares about you. Pick a close friend, family member, or other person you trust and let them in on what is happening with you.

Meditate/Pray: taking time to connect to yourself or something greater than yourself can have a profound effect on your feelings of peace and wholeness. Try starting with the deep breathing technique discussed in the Anxiety Management section.]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=39 Thu, 15 Mar 2007 17:43:00 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=37
Doing vs. Being
To begin this discussion, it is important to understand the concept of doing vs. being. Many men have been taught that they are only valuable when they are "doing": making money, winning trophies, planning a project, or solving problems. Due to this, we often turn ourselves into productive work machines built for success in the external-world. Men who spend their lives functioning as machines will begin to feel like machines: cold, empty, and lifeless. In spending so much time and energy in the external-world of doing, we lose the experience of our actual lives, which is a state of non-Being, or of being less alive. However, in switching the focus of life to our inner-world and our actual experience of living, we can become more fully alive. This is "Being".

Experiencing your life rather than doing it can seem like a foreign concept, and even the idea of "just being" can be confusing. How "do" I just "be"? Simply taking a moment to attend to the range of thoughts, feelings, and sensations you have during any given moment, even this one, can reveal an entirely new experience of aliveness and existence that is missed when we live fully in the external-world. In this Being, we sit with our true identities, motivations, beliefs, passions, wants, and capabilities.

Obviously for most people in the world there must be some amount of doing. The people on the planet who most fully embrace Being are monks and yogis who meditate all day and eat just enough to keep their bodies alive. This is not a style of being that most men in the world seek to achieve. Others embrace the balance of doing/being by trying to fully embrace their inner experience and find the meaning in even the most basic doing. For example, people who practice Zen Buddhism embrace the inner experience in gardening, cooking, and cleaning, or any other basic task of life.

A way to balance this for many men that are reading this is to at least try to attend to your inner-world more completely, even while you are doing something. What does it actually feel like to take notes during a class, shake someone's hand during a meeting, swing a hammer, or write code? Another way is to simply take time each day "to be". This can be in meditation, simply sitting with your current experience, or turning inward on your train ride home after work.

Providing Resources
As you read in the gender role conflict section of this page, being a provider has been one of the universal roles of males. American culture puts immense importance on work identity and success. Men in particular are sent messages to put career and success above and at the expense of all else, a process recently dubbed "careerism." This can become an important source of gender-role conflict for men to have this as part of their identities. The cost is often not just in Being as described above, but in having a strong family life.

When I was growing up in a working class suburb of Cleveland I watched my friend's father dedicate their souls to hard blue collar work. They worked extremely long shifts (often 12 hours per day), spent their full lot of energy at work, and came home in exhaustion. Very little of them was left for their partners and children, but they were driven to provide for their families, something they viewed as their masculine duty or obligation.

Balance
Although some men do not have the luxury of seeking a balance since they have to work intense at all times to provide, bringing some thoughtfulness to this process, working with your partner to establish lifestyle expectations, maintaining a strong presence as a father, and searching to understand these aspects of masculinity can be important pieces to finding a healthy balance.]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=37 Thu, 15 Mar 2007 15:23:00 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=35
Emotions 101
Emotions are essentially feeling states that have important and often complex information about our life experience. The English language limits the understanding of emotions since there are only a finite amount of words to identify these experiences. The actual human emotional experience does not fit nicely into boxes, and many emotional experiences are combinations of emotions that do not have names. However, there are a variety of theories that attempt to identify what would be considered “primary” or “basic” emotions that are categories of feelings that all other emotions fall into. A very basic example would be the following four primary emotions and their related states:



Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the term used to describe how well someone understands and uses their emotions for healthy living. Overall, an emotionally intelligent person knows that emotions can be a signal to oneself, a motivator for action, a relationship monitor, and a signal to others. Asking yourself why your body experiences certain emotions can be one of the most powerful questions you can ask, since each will have a specific purpose. See the examples for the primary emotions below, again this is an incomplete description, since they can function in more nuanced ways for every person:

-ANGER: increase vigor during a competition, communicate displeasure, defend against attack
-SADNESS: recognize a loss or disruption, makes us to create meaning from life events
-FEAR: helps identify and respect a threat, avoid danger, and seek safety
-JOY: reinforces action and recognize positive outcomes

Processing Emotions
This model can be a framework for understanding the human emotional experience in five steps. Recent research on male emotional restrictiveness has encouraged use of this to understand the variety of levels that men can change their relationship to these feelings. It was originally developed by Kennedy-Moore & Watson.

1.Prereflexive Action: An event creates an automatic feeling that is due to a physiological change within the body.

2. Awareness: We become aware of the physical sensation. Problems arise when we ignore the feeling or deny its existence. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? What are the symptoms?

3. Labeling: We give a name to the feeling we are experiencing. Problems arise when we do not name them appropriately, or have an emotion vocabulary. Instead, we use words like “upset”, “bad”, or “weird”. To help, look at the above chart or emotions, name the one (or more) that you are having, and then rate how strong it is on a 1-10 scale.

4. Interpretation: We draw conclusions about what occurred to produce the feeling. Problems arise here when the cause is not acknowledged, there is a lack of attention to possible causes, or when there is a misattribution. When this is true, we say things like “I have no idea why I am feeling this way”, place the cause on something that doesn't truly connect to the feeling, or blame another state, such as being “tired”. Ask yourself: What really caused the feeling?

5. Evaluation: We evaluate the feeling as being acceptable or unacceptable based on the situation, personal identity, personal history, and cultural expectations. Problems arise here when we view an emotion as unacceptable, or a reaction to something illegitimate. I promote the philosophy that all emotions are acceptable and valid signals of something that is happening, or are an understandable reaction to something.

6. Decision: We make a decision to take action in response to the cause of the feeling (such as expressing it, or doing something related to the perceived cause), tolerate the feeling without taking action, or seek relief from it by other methods (redirecting attention, artificially changing how we feel, using a defense mechanism, etc). Problems arise here when there are real or perceived limitations on expression, fear of “losing control”, a low tolerance for negative emotions, use of unhealthy coping strategies (substance use, avoidance, primitive defense mechanisms, etc), or lack of access to or education about healthy coping strategies or alternatives. Ask yourself: What would be a healthy way to cope with this emotion? What is the result of doing it?

Myths on Anger & Aggression
There are two common myths about anger and aggression that deserve mention. First, it is not true that men are more aggressive than women. Research shows us that the levels are the same, but the expression is different. On average, men are more likely to express their aggression through physical means (fighting, violence, etc), whereas women are more likely to act through “social aggression”, which is the work of damaging relationships.

Another myth is that "getting your aggression out" through some form of catharsis (punching something, intense weigh lifting, etc) can provide long term relief. For most people, this can provide a temporary release, but if the anger/aggression-provoking source is not tended to, then another build-up is inevitable.

In conclusion, I hope that therapists and anyone else reading this information can get started on helping yourself or someone else continue to experience and process emotions in ways that are positive and life affirming.

PDF handout of this page: Understanding Emotions]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=35 Thu, 15 Mar 2007 13:47:00 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=32 It can be argued that the display of dysfunctional machismo can be displaced anger over an inability to handle aspects related to one's social and cultural responsibilities and a difficulty in taking responsibility for the assumed role assignment that a male is expected to integrate into one's personal, social, familial and work behavior." -Cervantes (2006, p.216)

Macho Man Syndrome
There is a long history of stereotyping Latin-American men with a pathological level of machismo, often referred to as "macho man syndrome." Essentially, this version of masculinity is a collection of attitudes and behaviors that primarily include hypersexuality, punitive attitudes toward women, social domination, narcissism, and drug/alcohol abuse. This can be thought of as a form of "exaggerated masculinity", which is a stylized masculinity that is inflated to dysfunctional levels. One idea of why this exists for Latin-American men is described above.

Caballerismo
The underlying values historically behind machismo were not sexism and dominance, but instead were instead responsibility and respect. Notably, being "macho" was associated with strong community leadership, defending family and family honor, personal responsibility, emotional connectedness, and spirituality. These values are becoming referred to as "caballerismo", which is based on traditional Spanish chivalry (Arciniega et al, 2008).

Modern Machismo
A more complete view of machismo is that it is an identity with two major factors: traditional machismo (macho man) and caballerismo (chivalrous man). For Latin-American men who are working to get a better understanding of their masculine identity, it is important to know this distinction, the historical foundation for both, the functions, losses, and gains of holding onto an exaggerated masculinity, and the developmental points.


_{Sources/Further Reading
Arciniega et al (2008). Toward a fuller conception of machismo: Development of a traditional machismo and caballerismo scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 53, 19-35.
Cervantes (2006). A new understanding of the macho male image: Exploration of the Mexican-American man. In Englar-Carlsen & Stevens (Eds.) In the Room With Men. Washington DC: APA.}]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=32 Thu, 15 Mar 2007 00:42:00 -0400 http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=31
Confusion: the person is in a stage of questioning his sexual identity, and ultimately from this stage the person will either accept, deny, or reject the answers they find to their questions. Since this is often the first stage that people go through, the socio-political factors in their culture can play an enormous role in how the confusion is experienced. In an environment of acceptance and exploration this can be a more comfortable self-discovery process, whereas for others it can bring destructive feelings of shame.

Comparison: the person accepts the possibility that he might be gay, bisexual, or transgendered (when one's gender identity does not match with one's biological identity). In this stage the person can experience some degree of social isolation, again depending on the environment that he/she exists in. Some common elements of this stage are compartmentalizing sexual identity, and maintaining a heterosexual identity other than they sexual behavior, and focus on attraction to individual people rather than a broader range of people.

Tolerance: the person recognizes the psychological and emotional needs in identifying as gay, bisexual, or transgendered, and seeks out other people in the LGBTQ community for support. This stage leads to a decrease in the social isolation of the previous stage and begins a deeper sense of integration of sexuality into one's larger identity.

Acceptance: the person accepts his identity as part of the LGBTQ community, and makes increasing social contact. It is important to note the semantic difference between "tolerance" of the previous stage and "acceptance", and this change makes up the essence of this stage transition. Other parts of this stage include trying to fit in and be accepted by the LGBTQ community and enters deeper into the process of "coming out".

Pride: the person moves from acceptance to pride in his identity and comes out to most people. Often this stage is accompanied with some intense in-group attitudes and occasionally some hostility toward the homophobic dominant culture.

Synthesis: the person completes his identity by making his sexual identity an integrated part of self rather than the dominant feature of his identity. The anger toward heterosexism becomes somewhat reduced, although for most people there is a permanent awareness of how their culture discriminates against them.

There are a variety of other factors that are also related to the process that are unique to GBTQ men's lives. The following is only a brief overview, but they are all important to consider in identity development at each stage.

Homophobia
GBTQ men often have to deal with some form of homophobia, which is a bias against their sexual identity. This can be seen from overt media portrayal of negatively stereotyped fictional characters, but also in overt workplace and social discrimination, and at worst in hate crimes. Homophobia is often one of the major barriers to navigate for people to move into acceptance of their sexual identity, and it is one of the major frontiers of social activism in a variety of parts of the United States.

Sexual Choice Bias
A specific form of homophobia is choice bias, which is the belief that GBTQ men have a choice in their sexual interest. Bisexual men often have more difficulty with this since bisexuality is often viewed by the larger culture as "a phase" or that the person "can't make up his mind." Gay men encounter the same issue when they are faced with the idea that they choose to be attracted to men, the underlying assumption being that they must have some form of dysfunction to be making that choice (Wester, 2007).

Additionally, up until very recently, interest in changing one's sexual orientation was considered a valid mental health diagnosis, and there are still groups that attempt to practice "conversion therapy" to help this change. A recent example of this was when anti-gay evangelical Christian pastor Ted Haggard was found to have a male lover. He underwent some form of conversion therapy and claims that he has now changed. Fortunately, part of the changing socio-political climate in the US is due to greater understanding of there being an underlying genetic structure to sexual orientation.

Coming Out
One of the major tasks for a non-heterosexual person is "coming out" which is the process of disclosing their sexual orientation. Family culture, level of others' knowledge of sexual diversity, and others' level of affirmation toward LGBTQ people are key factors in this process, which can range from smooth and supportive to destructive and wounding. Often people seek support in the LGBTQ community before they go through this process, and although much change is being made, many people still have very difficult experiences in this disclosure, particularly from close family members.


_{Sources/Further Reading
Brammer (2004). Diversity in Counseling. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.
Cass (1979). Homosexual identity develop.
Wester (2007). Male Gender Role Conflict and Multiculturalism: Implications for Counseling Psychology. The Counseling Psychologist.}]]> General http://psychologyofmen.org/index.php?itemid=31 Thu, 15 Mar 2007 00:34:00 -0400